


Lacking a Lion's Heart

by Raaj



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, Joker is freaking out, all the pts are there but the character tags are who does the most talking, very brief mention of Ren/Makoto but it's not the focus, what do you get when it's November and your gameplay stats aren't up to snuff? ANXIETY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 19:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15612900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raaj/pseuds/Raaj
Summary: It's mid-November.  Ren only barely made himself talk to Iwai about the paper bag a month ago.  Now everyone's expecting him to be a smooth talker under the guillotine.  He'll do it, of course, because he'd hate to disappoint.He'd also hate to die.It's fine, it's fine, everything's fine.  Right up until he shoots the shit out of the ceiling.





	Lacking a Lion's Heart

**Author's Note:**

> My second Persona 5 fic and...I'm not completely satisfied with this even after editing, but I still like the ideas in it so I'm sharing it. Comments are appreciated.

Yoshida-san's lessons in public speaking were invaluable, if not entirely in the ways the man intended. Ren felt the occasional pang of guilt about applying a speech technique intended to bring about social reform to extorting shadows while holding them at gunpoint as Joker. It did bring about social reform, of course, in a roundabout way: he got more yen or better supplies, he got better equipment from Iwai at Untouchable, the Phantom Thieves were better prepared, they stole another person's distorted desires, the target reformed. So even if the exact methodology felt a bit dubious, Ren kept trying his hand at it. He'd gotten pretty good at talking people, or at least shadows, into doing what he wanted. That was what he would have said before today, anyway.  
  
Today, he was crashing and burning. He kept pushing for too much and pissing the shadows off, starting the fight anew, and the number of times he'd failed at convincing a shadow to join him was getting embarrassing. Crow had even suggested that perhaps Joker should simply stick to ordering all-out attacks when they downed enemies today, since he seemed to be off his game. Ren waited until the next safe room to tell Crow to switch out with Panther. If the detective got easily bored in the back, that was his problem. He could plot to murder Ren all he wanted, but Ren was not planning to put up with critiques of every battle until then.  
  
...But really, Akechi was planning on killing him. The Phantom Thieves had the start of a countermeasure, but it was still in the draft stage and already involved a number of things that Ren wasn't entirely sure about betting his life on. Like the idea of him convincing Sae Niijima to listen to him. Was she open to being persuaded, would she at least consider he might be innocent before pronouncing him guilty? So far, the rigged casino games as an allegory for a bullshit justice system said no. Was he good enough to get her open to his side anyway? This particular palace run said no. This particular palace run said he was more likely to convince her to do the job for Akechi.  
  
He was trying to stay calm, despite the insides of his leather gloves starting to feel sweaty. He was trying too hard, he knew that; only Crow had called attention to it out loud, but Skull was glancing at him from time to time and scuffing the floor with his shoe, obviously concerned, and Queen and Panther had started having a whisper party about him (when he turned back and asked, Panther's falsetto " _of course_ we're not talking about you!" alongside Queen's pained face was a dead giveaway). He'd broken up the gossip by asking Panther to switch with Fox, which helped for a while, Fox could be cool and understanding about him blowing a few Shadow negotiations as long as it didn't lead to anything too dangerous, but then in the next safe room Fox pulled out a full hand of jokers that he'd caught out of the playing cards swirling through the casino, and that was that, Fox was no longer cool and had to go back to the reserves. On any other day, Joker could have found the card-collecting a weird but interesting peek into Yusuke's mindset. Today it just seemed like a bizarre and ominous omen, like how Chihaya had started saying that death was shining in his face every single time she saw him. (So now, of course, he kept reading "DEATH" instead of "DEFEAT" in the huge neon lights flashing "VICTORY OR DEFEAT".) No. He could not deal with eccentricity today.  
  
Noir was staying firmly in the backup party. Noir was still new enough to have the illusion of Joker being a halfway competent leader. He didn't want to ruin that quite yet. So by process of elimination, Mona ended up being the fourth member of the advance team. Ren could deal with Skull's feet scuffing and Queen's worried looks. Mona was sure to start giving him unnecessary advice if he kept failing negotiations, but that was so familiar that Joker could let it wash over him, unlike Crow's grating commentary. It helped that Mona wasn't planning to murder him. (Probably. Some nights, when the smallest thief weighed down on his stomach and made it harder to breathe, Ren had to wonder.) And he _wasn't_ going to keep failing. Maybe Mona and Skull would start bickering. That would be a good distraction as long as they didn't get out of hand. They did need to keep some focus, both to keep an eye out for shadows and to find the green terminal for Sae's slot machine, which Oracle would hack so they could win big and start making progress again.  
  
He knew he'd seen the green terminal before. He knew he had. _Where is it._ The "third eye" ability Igor had granted him was not helping, nor was the maddening certainty that he had already found it once and yet couldn't find it again; yes, the hallways and staircases used by the casino's staff weren't entirely straightforward, but they weren't _that_ hard, this wasn't anything like Madarame's abstractions, Ren was simply losing it and he was never going to survive an interrogation with Sae Niijima, he'd lacked the guts to tell Iwai he'd looked in a paper bag until barely a month ago and he wasn't smart enough to find a terminal, there was no way he could pull off faking his own death. He was going to die for real. At least the others might have some time to get themselves to safety. ...Unless he failed so hard that Akechi was forced to reassess them, after having wrongly given Joker the lion's share of credit for their success.  
  
No. Stay calm. Ren forced himself to pause a moment as they slunk around the next corner, wait a little and breathe softly but evenly as the masked guard in sight crept closer and closer. Signaled the others to get in position. Wait for it...wait for it... _there_. He still could pull off an ambush, springing at the startled guard and grabbing their mask to rip off before back-flipping away, knife at the ready. Valkyrie and Kikuri-Hime emerged to fight; he smirked at the floating goddess. He knew her weakness in fighting, and he felt like he was starting to figure out what approach would make the shadow soften. He could persuade her, right? It was as easy as telling the others to cut down Valkyrie first, then blasting the other with fire to knock Kikuri-Hime down. Time for the hold-up and negotiation.  
  
...The first round of questioning didn't go well. He didn't even manage to answer the second question Kikuri-Hime asked. He blanked on possible responses when he saw just how irritated she already was, her thin lips curling down into a scowl. He just kept messing up and saying the wrong thing. He was certain there was no way his second answer would please her when the priestess was already judging him, just as the older Niijima sister would soon judge him. Assuming he even survived through Akechi's plan long enough to be judged by Sae Niijima--  
  
Today's Palace run was done. Absolutely done. Instead of responding, he raised his gun to the air and squeezed the trigger to fire a warning shot. Except then he squeezed the trigger again. And again. And again. He lost count after the sixth shot.  
  
"Get. In. My. Head!"  
  
Kikuri-Hime ran away instead. She didn't even leave an item as a peace offering. He figured that was about right. One bullet worked in negotiations because it told the shadow you were serious. More bullets told them you were a maniac and might shoot them no matter what they did. In that scenario, fleeing made perfect sense, especially when his teammates were too busy gaping at him to catch her before she slipped away.  
  
"What the _eff_ , man?!"  
  
"Joker! The security level's going up!"  
  
Queen grabbed his hand, letting him know he'd blown it with a good glare--Ren wondered if Sae could even be more intimidating than a pissed-off Makoto--before she dragged him to the safe room they'd left only half an hour ago, keeping a smokescreen ready to throw in her other hand. There was a clamor of confusion from the reserve team as they reversed direction and blew past, Mona and Skull trailing, but it didn't take long for Oracle, always observing and able to coordinate between the two teams, to announce her take on the situation:  
  
"Joker's wild, folks! Let's head back to the safe room before he decides to pull a Leeroy Jenkins."  
  
He had no idea who that was, but it was obvious the comparison wasn't flattering.  
  
Queen let go of him as soon as they were inside the safe room; he stumbled forward from the sudden lack of tugging before she turned, sat herself on the poker table and stared at him. He immediately pulled up into a slightly straighter version of his slouch, trying for a charming smile at her. At the same time, he was already tugging on a lock of his hair, pulling it straight and then letting it curl up to pull again; anything to distract from his nervousness. He'd really screwed up.  
  
Skull pushed him out of the way to get in the room. The blond opened his mouth, took a look at Queen's still unamused expression, and seemed to change his mind. "...I'm gonna let our advisor do the talking." He gave Joker a clap on the shoulder as Mona bounded up to sit on the table, taking the right side of Queen. Not her bad side, which was what Joker seemed to be currently on.  
  
"We don't have the time for everything I want to say about that display," Queen said curtly. "So to put it simply: it's already obvious you need to take a break, Joker. Please don't make a scene in front of our newest members by making us _force_ you to take a break like last time."  
  
His track record did sound pretty bad when she put it like that, even though others had needed more frequent breaks from the mental drain of exploring a Palace or Mementos. And her emphasis on "newest members" was easily understood when he was already thinking of the same problem. They only had a few seconds before the backup team caught up. It was bad enough Akechi would already be curious about him snapping; he needed to smooth things over, quickly. "I understand. ...We still need to make some progress, though, so..."  
  
The safe room door cracked open again, and Ren looked over at Crow's polite but openly inquisitive expression, Noir and Panther both looking at him with worry over the detective's shoulders. He'd upset them both, huh... "Sorry, everyone. Guess I lost my head. Oracle, can you get Fox in here?"  
  
Once everyone was gathered, Joker cut to the chase with an apology, and the explanation that the recent backlash against and scrutiny of the Phantom Thieves had him on edge. It was truthful enough that the other Thieves could react with sincere sympathy after they got through scolding him, chiming in about their own worries, and Crow had no reason to think there was anything more he'd be worried about, because it wasn't like anyone could have figured out Akechi's plans, _no sir_.  
  
"Still, cutting short our exploration today..." Crow gave a long sigh through his nose, and Ren imagined the sigh having to travel the whole length of that red tip so he wouldn't get irritated. "You'd better steel yourself, Joker. Niijima's Palace is sure to throw more tricks at us, and we only have so many days. We should have made more progress than this."  
  
"Which is why I want to ask everyone a favor," Ren returned. "We've already covered this entire floor. I'm confident that we know how to handle the enemies here now. So I'd like everyone to keep looking for the second terminal without me. That way we'll be able to move on quickly next time. I know it's not what we usually do, but Queen can lead--"  
  
"--A-actually," Queen said. The stammer caught Ren's attention, and he looked at her with a confusion that quickly grew. The stern expression she'd had before the others had rejoined them was completely gone; now she looked--nervous? Her lips pursed, and she shook her head, her face beneath the mask crumbling. "I'm...really sorry, but I think I'd better leave too. I'm...having a hard time with this all, and when Joker went off like that... my nerves are just fried."  
  
Ren gaped, then slammed his mouth shut. Considering the swift change in attitude, it was obvious she wanted to leave for her own reasons. Probably...to talk about what he did. Which he wasn't looking forward to, but in front of Crow, he wouldn't say anything to contradict her. "Ah... right. Sorry, Queen. Then--" He looked to Mona, considering, but the anthropomorphic feline was already piping up with his own excuse.  
  
"I'm coming back with you. Someone needs to make sure you get rested up for tomorrow!"  
  
...So, three down. If anyone else tried to duck out with him, Ren was just going to call the excursion here. They'd finished Kamoshida's Palace with a smaller party, though, and all they were going to do was find that stupid terminal. And Mona ducking out reduced a potentially difficult decision to simplicity. "Skull? You lead."  
  
"All right!"  
  
Ren found himself smiling at the enthusiasm, though what little could be seen of Crow's mouth under his mask looked like he'd just bitten into a lemon. It smoothed out into a polite acceptance, because, of course, who would Crow even suggest be leader instead of Skull? Skull would be great at keeping everyone rallied for one last sweep of the slot machine area. Sure, Panther would be a decent leader if she were interested, but Joker knew well enough that she wasn't; Fox led himself and himself only; Oracle would be busy with navigation; and Noir and Crow were both still very new and inexperienced, unless of course Crow wanted to share with the room about his past experience enacting mental shutdowns and psychotic breaks.  
  
Was it too much to hope that Crow would decide to come clean before the 18th? Probably, but wouldn't it be nice.  
  
No such thing happened, of course. Instead there was Skull promising they'd find the terminal with no problems, Panther chiming in with agreement and Noir nodding along with a small smile, and then the scraping of chairs and weapons as everyone got up and recollected their things.  
  
Soon enough, there was only Joker, Mona and Queen in the room. He turned to Queen expectantly, but all she said was: "Let's get out of here, first."  
  
"I didn't want to leave just yet."  
  
"Oh?" Mona's eyes lit up, the cat glancing over and flicking one ear toward the safe room's door to make sure no one was about to come over. "Pulling something sneaky?"  
  
Ren shrugged. "Can you show me the interrogation room?"  
  
Queen's eyes widened marginally, but she nodded. "Of course."  
  
"All right." Ren took advantage of the weakened distortion of the safe room to introduce his own distortion: _this isn't the members' floor, we're outside the entrance_. It'd been quite amazing the first time Morgana had showed them that they could warp between safe rooms and the fringes of a Palace; now, Ren was so used to the phenomenon that he was walking forward before the scenery had settled, Mona and Queen following behind.  
  
"...You're worried about the plan, aren't you?" Queen asked softly. "You _can_ tell us when something's wrong, you know. You listen to our problems all the time."  
  
Ahhh, there was the lecture starting up. Ren cut that off quickly. "Not in front of Crow, I can't. And I don't have a problem with the plan. I just want to see this special room." He'd never had the chance before--was always the leader, always stuck keeping Akechi busy--and yeah, maybe he _was_ worried about the plan, but he already knew it was the best plan. It was brilliant. Every other idea they'd tossed around left him at "definitely dead". This one raised his chances to " _probably_ going to die". He'd take it. But he also wanted to see the room it'd unfold in. Maybe seeing the setting would help him get a better sense of how his talk with Sae Niijima would go.  
  
As they stepped into the threshold of the police station, Makoto's and his usual metaverse outfits disappeared, replaced by their street clothes. They were no longer seen as threats in Sae's cognition. Strangely enough, that didn't help Ren's nerves. While the others had already told him that the "special interrogation room" was isolated, it didn't really sink in until cooler air hit the back of his neck. Makoto had taken the lead, as he'd only been given a simplified idea of where the room was inside the station, and she'd led him deep enough that Sae's cognition said it was significantly lower temperature than the rest of the building. She took him through another turn, and he was already struggling to map out in his mind just how one would get back outside. It wasn't part of the plan that he would leave on his own, but anyone would want to know, wouldn't they? Just in case it came up somehow.  
  
When they finally reached the special interrogation room, Ren knew by the ice-cold terror gripping his stomach that seeking it out had been a mistake. The room itself was perfectly innocuous, the only things in it a table and two chairs. It was the setting of the room within the police station. The last room they'd passed was quite far apart, and the door looked thick. The others had said isolated. Only now was it sinking in what a slim chance there was of anyone hearing even if he might scream. _In a police station._ Not that he wanted to give Akechi the satisfaction of hearing him scream, but, you know, options. Having options was nice.  
  
The starkness of the room just emphasized how few options he was going to have. Option one: persuade Sae Niijima. Option two: die.  
  
"Joker...?" Morgana was looking over his shoulder at him. "We should probably head back soon so you can rest. You're not looking so good."  
  
"I'm fine." He took a breath to steady himself and looked over the room again.  
  
Makoto was watching him closely, and he met her red eyes for only a second before moving on to another corner of the uniform room. It didn't put her off in the slightest. "Actually, since we are here, why don't we run through the scenario? You should know what to expect from my sister."  
  
The way she put it sounded so academic, as if they were practicing for a exam. It was a sound idea though, and he took the chair further from the door. Seemed like his spot, and Makoto's nod told him she'd thought the same.  
  
"Would your sister be the bad cop or good cop?" Morgana asked curiously, and Ren grimaced. He really didn't want to deal with a second unknown person...  
  
Makoto shook her head with a soft chuckle. "Let's say both, as she'll be alone. My sister has no patience for that trope. Some prosecutors certainly find it useful, but she's gotten quite angry on a few occasions over male colleagues who assumed she needed their 'help', and ruined her interrogation instead. That's why this room has only two chairs. It will be just her and you," she finished solemnly, looking directly at Ren. He stopped himself from looking away this time, staring back at her. Her red eyes narrowed. "She will most likely want to hear about the Phantom Thieves' operations, starting from the very beginning. Don't expect too many questions. She'll let you talk to see if you make inconsistencies when speaking at length. But there are some points I believe she'll pressure you on."  
  
"Okumura's death."  
  
Makoto nodded. Crossed her arms over her chest, and then slid into the other chair to put them face-to-face. Her expression had turned hard enough to shatter rock. "Kunikazu Okumura. He was one of your group's targets as well, wasn't he? Yet he met a much grimmer fate." She brushed part of her bangs back, then leaned forward. "Tell me. Why did he die? What did your group do to him?"  
  
"It wasn't us," Ren said tonelessly, even as one hand clenched over the other under the table. If they were correct about Akechi also being the person causing mental shutdowns, he'd orphaned Haru. "There was another person using the metaverse. A person with a black mask."  
  
Makoto arched an eyebrow. "Another party, hm? Is this the first I'm hearing of them?"  
  
She was breaking character, her tone much like the one she used to prod Ryuji to recall lectures during study sessions, and Ren let himself fall out of character too, trying to relax in his seat. He knew he'd likely be handcuffed--hard to see how he would be trusted alone in a room with a prosecutor otherwise--but he let himself take a comfortable position, propping his chin in one hand. "...Kaneshiro's shadow told us about him, after we defeated him."  
  
"I remember hearing that he had been mentioned even before I joined. Fox tried to ask Madarame what his shadow had meant about someone skulking around Palaces, correct?"  
  
Damn. He should have remembered that sooner; he was the one who had actually been there. "Yeah."  
  
"I know we didn't focus on him as much as we should have at first, but bring him up as soon as possible in your testimony. That will let my sister see your testimony about him is consistent. Of course, she'll still be highly skeptical." Makoto pursed her lips, her voice becoming more serious again. "A mystery person who also knew about this secret world? How convenient."  
  
It did sound convenient. "It's true." But Sae wasn't going to believe it. Too convenient. He bit the inside of his cheek. "If you don't believe me," he started, "then..."  
  
"Then...?"  
  
He hunched over, trying to think, struggling to remember to take enough air in. Where was he even going with that? Proof. He needed proof to convince Sae. But there wasn't any. It was an aspect of the metaverse's nature that had appealed to him before, but now it was going to ruin him. Akechi was too smart to have left any evidence outside of the metaverse. Sae would never be convinced.  
  
"Of course I don't believe you," Makoto huffed, continuing the act. "It all sounds like a ridiculous fairy tale!"  
  
He tightened his hands and his posture. He could feel himself trembling. He needed to recover; there was no reason to be getting worked up when Makoto was only acting. _She_ would stop if she realized how upset he was getting, and he had to figure this out, there were only so many days before the 19th--  
  
He jerked as Makoto slammed a fist down on the table, the entire surface shuddering along with his heart. "Are you going to explain yourself?!"  
  
"I-I..." His breath caught, and he gave up, curling in on himself. Damn. If he was freezing up now, how could he even think he'd get through the real thing? This was it. He wasn't smart enough to outwit Akechi, convince Sae. And he wasn't brave enough to face death unflinching. Not down here. Not alone. He couldn't even guess when his friends would find out afterward, let alone his parents.  
  
Morgana was touching his knee, the feline trying to calm him down, but he could only see a blur of black and blue through the tears overwhelming him.  
  
"Re--Joker." The pretense of the mock interrogation evaporated with Makoto's chair scraping on the floor as she hurried to move around the table. "I'm sorry, I didn't--Sis wouldn't _hurt_ you, she can have a temper, but you don't need to be afraid of her--"  
  
He shook his head. The slam had startled him, but only because his nerves were already a mess.  
  
"...Okay." Makoto placed her hands on his shoulders, the brawler's touch oddly tentative. She was out of her element now. "...I understand it's better if you let it out. We'll talk when you're ready, okay?"  
  
"This isn't like you to get all worked up," Morgana said. "You know you've got this, right?"  
  
"No, I don't. That's the _problem._ " Ren gripped his head, tugging at his hair. "You have a backup plan, right?"  
  
"N-no," Makoto answered. "There were certainly other plans we considered, but they all hit roadblocks somewhere. This is the plan that works."  
  
He shook his head. The plan would work, for someone with a lion's heart, but that was not him. "I meant for you guys. If I don't--"  
  
"Hey!" Morgana swatted his knee, though not hard; Ren winced more because _Makoto's_ hands had tightened on his shoulders as soon as he'd started to clarify. "If you're going to worry, you should worry about your own mission!"  
  
"Mona is correct," Makoto told him. "I'll tell you we do have a plan outlined, to get ourselves, Sakura-san, and Ryuji's mother to safety, if worst comes to worst. And that's all you need to know. We will take care of ourselves. Your job is to come back to us. You are going to come back to us."  
  
He didn't want to contradict her, but he couldn't deny feeling relief that they had some sort of plan for when he screwed up.  
  
"You're making this harder than it is, you know," Morgana said. "I didn't expect you to still be getting nerves like a rookie!"  
  
"...What do you mean?" If this was somehow so easy, he would love to hear how he was blowing it out of proportion. Something to put all this in perspective.  
  
Makoto seemed to agree though, her grip loosening as she sighed. "Ah...he has a point. You've been focusing a lot on negotiations today."  
  
"And failing them all, I know," Ren muttered.  
  
Morgana clicked his tongue with a mutter, and Makoto seemed to share his exasperation. "Practicing to persuade my sister, right? You really are making this too hard. I don't expect you to win my sister over."  
  
He wanted to make a witty quip about how that was going to eventually be an issue for them dating, especially if he was dead, but his guts were doing flip-flops. She didn't give him that much time, anyway.  
  
"You don't need to." Makoto shook her head before sitting down again. She looked at the floor for a moment before reaching her arm across the table to touch him, prompting him to look her in the face. "Look...I hope my sister will start to remember her justice and see your innocence. But this plan hinges on her having a Palace. She's unlikely to come around completely. And that's fine. Because you aren't asking her to become your ally, not immediately. All you'll be asking her to do at first is take a bet."  
  
It wasn't like Makoto to oversimplify things. That was what helped calmed Ren, while he was still trying to figure out how it could be so simple.  
  
"When making a bet, a professional gambler looks at the payout, the odds of winning, and the cost of making the bet." And despite all the nerves, Ren found himself grinning. Makoto simply could not help the academic tone. She frowned slightly at him, but didn't stop. "Showing the phone to Crow has no cost to my sister. It will take only a few seconds. If he isn't interested, she simply moves on. There's no consequence to her. She just needs to see a reason to show it to him."  
  
"The payout," Ren supplied.  
  
"Right. The truth. My sister's heart may be distorted, but I'm confident she hasn't lost her sense of justice completely." At that moment, the younger Niijima gave him a lopsided smile. "Besides, she hates leaving cases incomplete. If she understands that showing your phone to him will help reveal everything, then she'll see the chance for an overwhelming win. Jackpot."  
  
A one-word summary, confident and cool. He took a deep breath. Makoto's manner was calming, but there was still one thing bothering him. "The odds..."  
  
"...Are against us," Makoto finished. "I'm sure that's how you feel. ...It's not like you're wrong, after all. But once you're sitting with my sister, it becomes quite simple. There's no cost to her for making the bet. The payout is high. She just needs to think that there is any chance at all that you're telling the truth and the phone will help show it. At that point, it becomes a bet no gambler would pass up. Especially not the self-made manager of a casino."  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, Makoto lightly brushing Ren's arm with her hand as he processed her words. Then Morgana popped his head over the table. " _Now_ do you get it?"  
  
Ren groaned, slumping in his seat. "Yeah, yeah. I made it too complicated." He had started thinking of it as a negotiation, of winning Sae over absolutely--probably because the prospect of leaving his survival up to someone else's control was still terrifying.  
  
Makoto chuckled. "It's understandable. I wish...I wish I could take your place."  
  
"Don't say that." As much as he hated knowing he'd end up here on his own, the thought of Makoto or any of the others taking the fall instead was sickening.  
  
"I think she'd be a little more lenient on me," she said. "I'd hope, anyway."  
  
"It doesn't matter," Morgana interjected. "Crow decided to focus on Joker. And this guy's the best for the job anyway, just as long as he keeps his head on straight."  
  
"Thanks." Ren kept his voice flat, but he was starting to smile in spite of the scolding. It was good to hear Morgana's vote of confidence, even if it was back-handed.  
  
"You really are," Makoto said. "You're usually level-headed, and it's easy to see your conviction and sincerity...when you're _not_ posturing."  
  
"Oooh, is _that_ why he's been blowing negotiations left and right?"  
  
Ren frowned. Someone he'd rotated had snitched. Crow or Panther seemed most likely, though for very different reasons. "Hey. Some of the shadows want that."  
  
"None of the shadows today wanted that," Makoto said.  
  
...He really wished he could contradict her on that, but she wasn't wrong. Being gutsy went unappreciated sometimes. He sighed into his hand instead.  
  
"I'm just saying, when my sister interrogates you, be straightforward. You don't need to be clever, and you'll be under an incredible amount of pressure without adding any on, so keep it simple. It might be tempting to try to make all this--the Metaverse, stealing hearts--sound like something more believable, but any inconsistency at all could turn my sister against you. Be honest. She'll doubt you, but keep going. Give her all the details she wants, outside of identities. She'll see they hold to a sense of logic. Don't rush yourself; if a distraction happens, or you get confused, take your time and gather your thoughts. You don't want to say something wrong by accident. But keep going. No matter how disbelieving or upset she might become, she wants the whole truth." Makoto paused from her impromptu lecture to take a breath. "Like I said, you _don't_ have to convince her that your account is the truth. You just need to convince her that it _could_ be."  
  
"And she'll convince herself to show Akechi the phone."  
  
"She'd hate to be wrong, after all. Especially when it's so easy to know for sure." Makoto smiled softly at him, encouraging, but there was a spark in her eyes. She really was confident in the plan, and he finally felt like he could trust his part in it. Getting Sae to show Akechi the phone was certainly going to take all his effort, but it would work.  
  
"Okay, okay. This guy really needs to rest. I don't think any more mock interrogation is going to do him good today."  
  
"Mona..." It was bad enough that he got nagged about his sleeping habits at Leblanc. Did it have to happen in front of the others, too? The feline thief was right, though, and he was eager to get out of the isolated interrogation room. "Yeah. Time to head out. Can I ask both of you, though? To not tell the others about that little...panic I just had."  
  
It was amazing how fast an encouraging smile from the brunette could turn into the flat, unimpressed stare of the Queen. "Joker, you shot the ceiling multiple times. Everyone knows you're panicking. I expect you'll be getting messages from them all later." Makoto paused. "I'll let them know you're feeling better now, though."  
  
Which meant she wouldn't mention the crying, because Makoto had some tact. Still, there went any hope of being the calm, reassuring leader for Noir. "Yeah, thanks."  
  


* * *

  
  
He actually was not handcuffed when it came time for his interrogation. No, he was free to move around the room as best as he could while drugged up and beaten so badly that breathing hurt. So he stayed put, in his seat and cradling his head half the time, because he needed every last ounce of energy he had simply to tell Sae Niijima the entirety of the Phantom Thieves' actions, starting from April.  
  
Makoto had had the right of it; for most of the time, Sae was content to just let him talk. When she did interrupt, it was questions about his accomplices. She chased every single potential avenue of help, even ones that seemed far-fetched, and he shrugged off the question every time, returning to the heists. His time with his confidants wasn't relevant to the main issue. Besides, several people's identities were already too apparent. He never named names--he hoped not anyway, but when he kept losing track of his own sentences, who knew--and he tried to keep the details as simple as possible, but he also didn't _change_ any details. Makoto was right; he would have tripped himself up with inconsistencies if he'd tried. She just hadn't known it would be because he was wasted from some kind of "truth serum".  
  
Be honest. No identities. Keep going, no matter how much Sae scoffed; he knew he could not stop, not for long. Exhaustion was so eager to claim him. At times it got so bad that his whole vision would black out, or he'd lose his trail of thought. What month was he on now? What life was he in? Someone was in danger--someone was _always_ in danger--had the worst happened?  
  
Take your time, she'd said. Gather your thoughts, find the next memory. _Take your time, take your time take your time._ Right. Makoto at least had been okay. Morgana, Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Futaba, Haru. Everyone was okay. Free. ...There was another person with a black mask besides Mona and Noir. That was important, he remembered. Mention as soon as possible. Black mask. Skulking around. They'd wondered about him a bit, yeah. Had they figured out who it was yet? They should have...by now, they should have... But he couldn't get ahead of himself. He had to take this month-by-month, heist-by-heist, week-by-week. Slowly, but surely, weaving a story for Niijima that held just strong enough to tantalize. A fantastic tale that was completely real, and more satisfying than incomplete presumptions. She just needed to suspend her preconceptions and take a chance to prove it. Take a chance, and...  
  
It was only as he recounted the events of November that he remembered. Either the drugs had been even worse before, or he'd needed to reconstruct literally all of the events to jog his memory. His phone. Sae had to take his phone and show it to someone. It was here, at the very end, that he finally discarded part of Makoto's advice. He'd been straightforward long enough. Time to tease. She was smart enough to figure out who the traitor was anyway, she'd show Akechi the phone eventually, but she had to show him the phone _now_ and not even consider putting it off to a later meeting. So Ren frustrated her just enough to make her eager, baited her a little. Something he probably would have been too scared to do with any other prosecutor, but when Sae's narrowed glare looked so much like a stare-down from an older Makoto, he felt confident that there was a margin for him to push, if only lightly. Give enough that she knew she had the traitor's identity, tease just enough to frustrate her that the name wasn't said outright to eliminate ambiguity. Makoto hated ambiguity, and he hoped Sae was the same. Hoped she would seek to eliminate it immediately.  
  
She took his phone with her. He'd done everything he could do, and now he could only hope that the next person through the door would be Sae Niijima again. Sagging back in his chair, he closed his eyes, took a breath, and reached with his thoughts for Power, of the Justice arcana.  
  
It might have been because of the persona. It might have been out of exhaustion. It might have been the drugs. (It could easily be both the exhaustion _and_ the drugs.) But focusing on the angelic persona, and thinking through Akechi's next move, he felt his battered body become weightless, like his mind had slipped out of it. The minutes passed by with the stagnant air slowly becoming charged, like a storm was rolling in.  
  
Something cold and hard pressed against his forehead. He straightened up a little, the object following his movement. Ren knew before he opened his eyes that it was the barrel of a gun, and he knew just as surely that the gun was held by Akechi. The detective smiled down at him. He said something--Ren had just known Akechi wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something--but Ren didn't hear any of it.  
  
The words didn't matter, anyway. Akechi was here, and that helped Ren know his confidant better, even if the knowledge was ultimately a bitter one. All the way up until now, there was a chance that Akechi wouldn't actually do it. Which--might have actually thrown things off a little with them having put him in Sae's palace, but he wouldn't have stayed in there long, and Ren probably could have worked out a new impromptu plan with a non-murderous Akechi. Except drugs. Whatever. Akechi could have plotted, he was good at it.  
  
It didn't matter. It had only been a small chance, and they'd had to assume the worst. And Akechi had proved them right. As Ren stared up at him, the traitor's finger tightened on the trigger.  
  
In one world, a cognition died. In another, Ren shook himself out of the daze he'd fallen into, alive but deeply disappointed.  
  
But alive? He stared at the door, not yet sure he could trust what he had just seen, what Power was telling him. But there was already a tight, giddy feeling building up in his chest, and the more time passed, the bigger it got.  
  
Finally, he heard the smallest bit of noise outside the door, moving away from it, and he was sure. He wanted to laugh. His diaphragm hurt too much. He settled for a tight smirk. The plan had worked. He was alive.  
  
He'd pulled it off. _He was alive._ He felt like a single giant bruise instead of a human being, but he was alive. Alive. He. Had actually pulled this off! Despite being drugged. Despite being beaten. He'd kept it together long enough to convince Sae, he'd given Akechi the slip, he had cheated death, and with any luck better than the streak they'd had for the last few weeks, Futaba would soon find out who was giving Akechi orders while the detective was still feeling cocky. They'd take that person's heart, and then neither they nor Akechi would touch their lives.  
  
Oh yes. Definitely a time for celebratory smirking. Because now Joker knew he could do _anything_. He couldn't believe he'd taken so long to get up the guts to approach Iwai over the paper bag. He was capable of so much more. Did Iwai still need help with that old yakuza contact? He should ask when he got his phone back. No more nerves, no more cold feet. Because _fuck_ the yakuza. What was that guy going to do that was worse than the police? Ren didn't think he could hurt any more than he did right now. What was the yakuza going to do, huh? Kill him? He'd drag them down to hell with him.  
  
He smirked at the door, waiting for Sae Niijima to come through the door. He wanted to go home and sleep for at least three days and possibly forever. He wanted his metaverse dagger in hand and an acceptable target in front of him. In a more lucid state, he might have tried to pick apart the emotions welling up in him, the desperation only just beginning to ebb and the anger swelling further up to take its stead, the pain settling into his bones and very being. With his head swimming and the strength of adrenaline leaving him, the most coherent thoughts he had barely qualified as thoughts at all.  
  
He smirked at the table. Exhaustion was starting to win, but he was fighting. Had to stay conscious. He focused on who he would fight once he didn't feel like a toddler could finish him off. Which wasn't going to include Akechi, Akechi thought he'd murdered him just now, but punching Akechi in the face as payback for the past day or two...however long he'd been imprisoned... made a satisfying mental image, and Ren let a small chuckle out. Akechi was Justice, maybe their bond would get stronger if the jerk got a bit of turnabout for once? Though with how things were going, it seemed very likely that them making a "blood oath" would require someone's blood for real, so maybe it was best stopping here.  
  
Ren's shoulders slumped. His vision blacked out for a few seconds longer than any of the previous times, and then he jerked himself away from the table with a start. No... He needed to stay awake. Sae Niijima was surely coming. Just a little longer--  
  
He slammed into the table face-first, already out. He only roused again when Sae jostled his shoulders in the middle of draping one of his arms over her own shoulders. Oh. Hooray. Time for the daring escape. Even with her support, moving around was excruciating, and Sae had to clamp her hand over his mouth at one point to make sure of his silence, but they managed to get out of the police station and into a car parked close by the building.  
  
She actually bothered to buckle him in. Ren snorted once he figured out why she was leaning over him. "Definitely Makoto's sister."  
  
"You've outwitted a conspiracy to escape dying. It would be downright idiotic for you to be harmed in a traffic accident now." Her voice was stern, but not angry as it had been at times during the interrogation. After she closed his door, Ren slumped against it bonelessly. His eyes closed without meaning to, only twitching when he heard a mechanical voice:  
  
_"The destination has been deleted."_  
  
"What was that?" Sae asked aloud.  
  
The MetaNav? ...Her palace had collapsed of her own choice. Makoto would be happy. He patted his uniform for his phone before remembering Sae still had it. He wanted it back, but he wasn't going to distract her when she was in the middle of starting the car and getting them away from this place. Taking him home...well, it wasn't, but it was as close as he could get.  
  
"...Hey, are you all right? Don't fall asleep until we reach our destination. ...Are you listening?"  
  
He was, barely, and grunted to show it. ...He'd call Iwai after he got the chance to sleep this off. He'd still have the guts for it, wouldn't he? He didn't actually feel braver. Just angry. And empty. This had taken everything out of him.  
  
At least he'd done his part. He was alive. Worry about the rest later.


End file.
